2.

X

M1SH

VA TAl VlNq

XlX

DAO B A N G - K H U A T QUANG H i

6 I A 0

T I E P

T H O N G

M I N H

OVI13N6 Xtf

Ngtfdi dich: TA NGOC AI
DANG HtfNG KY
N G U Y E N QUOC B A O
NGUYEN MINH HOANG

N H A X U A T B A N V A N HOA

-

HONG TTM
THl/VIEN KHOAHOC KY THUAT
BUU BIEN
SOr.Vb.^...
PHU BAN:

I (J I NO I tiflU

->

J 2 d i

n o i

5

i d u

Cdch xd giao vd tdi an noi Id bdo boi thdnh cong
Ion nhdt. Cuon sdch nay nhit "bat gd tan cho giao tiep
vd noi ndng". Con ngifdi ta sau khi ditqc boi bo ve tint
than vd tinh cam, nhdt dinh se bdi Idng trong xd giao
vd noi ndng. Cho dii the gidi noi tdm cila ban co dep
den may cftng phdi mo td, dien dat bang lo'i noi. Cho
dii the gidi co r&ng Idn den ddu, neu biet an noi thong
minh, ban ci'ing co the di khdp thien ha. Tuy sdch noi
ve vdn de xd giao", "tdi ihig xil" Iran ngqp tren cdc
gid sdch; nhitng vdn hy vong difoc thd'y nhitng
sdch mdi ve "xd giao-tdi

cuon

1'tng xi(". Do Id nhu can cua

thai dai, Id khdt vong mo rdng giao htn, bdi dodn tdu
thai dai da tien vao kenh thdi gian vd khong gian

mdi.

Kenh mdi nay trdi ddi vo tdn, dodn tdu cftng m(on tdi
vo tdn, khong gian giao Itfu cua con ngifdi cung keo ddi
vo tdn. Diiu nay lam thay doi quan ni&m giao tiSp vd
tdp qudn ngon ngit tntdc ddy cila chiing ta. Bdi vdy
chung ta phdi luon thich i'(ng, luon hoc tdp; vi nhitng
kien thi'tc vi "xd giao-tdi

ling xi(" luon mdi, nin

cdc

6

«•

G110 TI it 1 W 0 N G IHINJl VflTflI IJ N G X i

sdch ve linh vitc nay alng cdn thitdng xuyen ddi mdi.
Trifdc mat ban la cuon "Giao tiep thong minh vd tdi
ting xti".

Ten sdch gian di, khdng to ve, Id nhitng Idi

noi dang de chting ta xem xet. "Khong gian song cua
ban Id mot tit tntdng Ion, ne'u ban khdng thu hut ngudi
ta, ngifdi ta se thu but

ban...".

"Quan he giao tiep ngdy nay khong the hien sit
cqnh tranh, chi cd cqnh tranh chxnh ddng mdi kit noi
duoc mdi quan he tot dep. Nhitng cqnh tranh

chinh

ddng khong cd nghia la chdn chi hat bot, bao sao lam
vdy. Phdi biet rdng. "Qua thdt thd ciing la khong sang
suot".

Xd hoi dang ti&n len, quan niem vd phitong

thifc ket ban cua moi ngifdi ciing thay doi. Cdi gi la
"nidi giao tinh thdn thief,

"the' ndo Id ban chi cot?", ai

la "ddng chi", ai Id "cdnh ta?". Quan niem gid tri ban
he dd ddn ddn thay doi. Nhitng Idi noi thdt trong sdch
ciing thdt thd chdn thifc nhif ten sdch. Ldi noi thdt dd
tqo difoc cam nhdn mdi, cot cdch mdi, thdt ddng
Hay xem phdn

doc.

"tdi noi ndng " trong sdch - bien tdi noi

ndng tbdnh giotig dieu, dem giong dieu ket noi vdi cdi
tdi, vdn may. Dung Id mdt diSu "mdi". "Giotig dieu cd
the mang dSn tien tdi vd vdn may". Dd khdng phdi la
edit noi khudn sdo, no khdng nhitng khien

ngifdi ta

phdi tin, md con la mot ly le mdi. Tdi khdng dam

nhieu

L d I KOI Dfl 1)

~»

7

/d7, xin de ban doc phdn xet. Doc d£n cho ndo

thdy

tuyet, ban se cam nhdn sdu xa. Ban ditng qnen

hay

ciing nghi&n ci(u udi chitng tdi, nghien ci'tu nhitng

dnh

lita loe len tit sit va chqm giita "xd giao" vdi van may,
nghien citu "tdi noi ndng" nhtfdoa

hoa ham tieu dang

nay nd trong noi tdm.
"Xd giao" vd "tdi noi ndng"

cdn ditoc hoc hoi

thitdng xuyen de thitdng xuyen cam nhdn ditac cdi mdi.
Chuc ban may mdn vd thdnh

cong!

CIA 0 11{P 1410 H C (IIIN II VflI j I U N G X l)

DChdiL

kill

i)d

t d i

k(Ui

Nguai co tai an noi bao gia ciing la nguai tdi hoa

Nu ci/cfi khien long da thanh than
Co ngi/di quan niem rang, trong thdi dai ngay
nay con ngifdi nen di t i m nhufng niem vui, su" hutng
thu. Ngu"c(i ta khong ngan ngai nghi moi each lap
ky luc. Ho xem xet su" vat dutfi cap mat hai h.\idc va
qua giao tiep vdi ngifcfi khac, hp nhan duoc niem
vui bat ngd dong thdi cung mang l a i hiing thu cho
ngtfcri khac.
Du ban la ngu"di hieu biet rong, gioi chuyen
mon, t h i cung khong co nghia la ban se thu hut
di/oc ngUdi khac t i m den hoi han hoac cong tac vdfi
ban. A i cung muon ket ban vol ngUdi luon luon tao
ra cam gi^c mdi la. Do la nhufng ngifdi du dang m a i
me cong viec cung khong quen van dung each noi
di dom de trao doi ban bac chuyen mon vdi dong
su" Dieu nay gop phan lam cho cong viec cua ho
dien ra troi chay, suon se hefn, quan he vdi mpi

( 41 IfffIK : I

-f

9

ngifdi xung quanh hoa nhap hern. V i vay ban hay
suy nghi t i m mot phucfng thufc giao tiep vui tUcfi
thoai m a i .
Neu mot ai do co t a i an noi, chua han da dupe
mpi ngifdi ham mo, ma can them vao do mot tarn
long cdi md ho h d i , t h i mdi that sU mang l a i niem
vui lau ben va sau s&c cho ngifdi tiep chuyen. Mot
y ttfdng thong thoang co the tang them phan gia
t r i cho san pham khai thac, con mot tarn hon thanh
than se giup ngUdi t a nay ra nhdng ggi md mdi,
lam cho cuoc song t r d nen phong phu, y nghia hon.
Thong thifdng khong thieu ke hpm m i n h mudn
duoc ngUdi ta tan thifdng, da to ra qua hang hai sot
sfing, t r d t h a n h ke cd chap gan dd, bi ngifdi ta xem
thiidng, loai ngUdi do rat de danh mat t i n h ban, k h i
vda mdi nhen nhdm.
Chung ta deu biet, mot so co gai qua ndng voi
trong chuyen chong con, da vo t i n h de tuot mat
nhieu chang t r a i , cd nhufng cd

SEIC

nifdc huong t r d i

co sure hap dan, nhe ra viec lay chong d§ nhif t r d
ban tay, nhifng chi v i qua nong vdi ma hoa r a xdi
hong bong khong.
Trong k h a nhieu trifdng hefp, k h i ta to ra qua if
t h e m k h a t dieu gi do, t h i thudng khdng ducfc thda

10

GIAOTliPTHOflCmiNUYflTJilflllGXtf

man, neu de 16 cho ngUdi khac biet minh khat khao
:hay bong ve mot t h d nao do, t h i se het sufc nguy
tiiem, hoac to ra quan tarn qua mufc can thiet ddi
vdi mot viec ma ngudi khac dang lam se khien
ngUdi ta dam ra nghi ngd, canh giac cho rang anh
zo y do md am sinh ra khuynh hudng de chdng
iioac ngan khong cho ban dat dupe dieu mong
muon. Do cung la mot net thuoc ve ban nang cua
;on ngUdi la hay phong xa.
Neu khong gay cho ngudi khac an tuong ve
tham vong qua 16 lieu cua ban, t h i ddi k h i ngutfi ta
lai danh gia ban la con ngu*di qua that tha khd dai,
^ i the khien ban cam chac that bai.
Lai co nhufng ngudi luon luon lo lang rang moi
agUdi khong Ua minh, the la vd h i n h trung gay cho
ngudi khac cam nhan la ngUdi do hoan toan mat t u
i n , the hoa ra la t u lam hai m i n h . V i vay tot nhat
l a y song cho thanh than vo tu, t a m trang luon
;hoai mai, hoa nha, hay song va giao tiep het m i n h
vdi moi ngUdi xung quanh, hay hoc each luon luon
n i m cudi, k h i tren mdi ban nd nu cUdi co nghla la
;rong long ban khdng h i gem mot chut lo au, phien
lao. Nu cudi khien long nhe nhom, khien ngUdi
thac cho rang ban la con ngudi het sufc t u ton, nu

(41 If If NC: I

11

cudi hiia hen rang moi viec se ket thuc tot dep
diing nhu ban mong muoh.
Trong cudc song nen cd gang gitf duoc nu cudi
t r e n moi, nhung khdng co nghia la song mot each
hdi hot, khdng t a n tarn v d i cong viec. Phai vui ve
luon luon, l a m viec cham chi, can trong, co nhu vay
t h i nu cudi mdi phat huy t d i da cong nang va thu
dugc hieu qua nhu mong mudn.
Cho du t h d i budi nao, t h i each song khdn ngoan
nhat la thudng xuyen ddng d gdc do mot ngUdi
ngoai cudc de danh gia t h a m dinh ban than m i n h
mot each hoan toan khach quan, hoan toan lanh
lung. Ngoai ra nen de y den phan dng cua ddi
phucmg de dieu k h i e n t i n h cam cua m i n h , co nghia
la luon gianh quyen chu dong trong qua t r i n h giao
luu. Neu ren luyen dupe ban Hnh nhu the, t h i t a i an
ndi cua ban se lUu loat t r o i chay nhu boi trong nUdc
va vdn giao tiep cung se ngay cang phong phu hon.

An tuTcfng qua lan gap qd dau tien
L a n gap gd dau t i e n dirge danh gia la vo cung
quan trong. Neu lan dau ra mat ma an ndi khong
t r d i chay t h i muoh cdu van t i n h the se phai dau t u

1 2

«-

51 AO T U' P TJlONC OlIO Vfl Tfll llHC X li

r a t nhieu cong sufc ma chua chac da an nham gi. V i
vay lan dau ra mat nhat thiet khong dugc an noi
qua quit cho xong chuyen. Vay the nao goi la t u gidi
thieu ve minh?
Viec Mu t i e n la m i m cudi. Net mat tufcri cudi se
k h i e n cho ngudi tiep chuyen cam thay am ap chan
t i n h , do la yeu to tao dung bau khdng k h i hoa hop
va than ai.
Sau nu cudi ra mat se la t i e t muc t u gidi thieu
"Toi ten la...". K h i gidi thieu phai l a m noi bat
t r o n g diem, gia su v i khong nghe rd ma ddi
phuong goi n h a m ten ban, t h i chac han se dUa ban
vao t i n h the khd xd, gay ra khong k h i kho chiu,
k h i t u gidi thieu khong nhdng phai ndi nang mach
lac ro rang, tot nhat la kem t h e m phan giai thich,
vi du t o i ho "Vuong" chd vUdng nay nam trong t d
"vuong qudc", n h u vay se tao ra an tugng dam net
cho ddi phuong.
Mot diem khac khong kem phan quan trong la
khong nhdng bat ddi phuong phai chu y den ten hp
cua m i n h , ma ban con hp cua ddi phuong. N h d ra
ban goi n h a m ten ngUdi ta, se lam cho ngudi dd het
sdc that vong va nghl rang dd la mot cd chi that 11
khdng the nao cdu van dupe.

( J I M IK: |

->

13

Co each gi de nhd difcrc ten ho cua ngtfdi ddi
thoai? Tot nhat la k i e m cd de xUng ho ngay lap tdc,
goi ducfc t e n ho ngUdi ta r a se ho trp" cho t r i nhd
ciia ban. Sau dd trong qua t r i n h giao tiep cung
ddng quen lau lau l a i goi t e n cua ho, de cho ngUdi
dd cam thay ban rat ton trong ho, t h a n t h i e t gan
gui ddi v d i ho, do la chat xuc tac de cho cudc trao
ddi duom sdc t h a i t i n h cam than t i n h , do cung la
bi quyet cua nhdng ngUdi gioi giao tiep, r a t dang
dupe hoc tap.
K h i giao tiep nhtfng cau noi mang t i n h chat le
t i e t t d n xung, neu nhd sU dung khong hop l y , t h i
se l a dieu gay can nhat, chang qua nhufng cau t o n
xUng dd chi thuoc pham t r u xa giao t h d i . V i du k h i
ban mudn n h d ai dd lam hp m i n h viec gi t h i chd
quen sd dung t d ngd " x i n , nhd"; k h i goi ngUdi be
t r e n hoac hon tudi, t h i chd goi ten t r o n g khong ma
p h a i dat sau chd ngai, ong, nhat la chao hoi cha
me cua ngiidi ddi thoai t h i nhat nhat phai xUng ho
la "bac", "cd", da nan neu noi "bo cau", "me cau"
cung chang l a m sao, nhiing trong lan dau ra mdt
m a an noi nhu" the qua la khong hop. Mudn difpc
ngiidi ddi danh gia ban la ngUdi cd giao due, cd van
hoa t h i hay chu y Idi an tieng noi trong l a n dau
giao tiep.

12

<-

GlflO II IP TII0 M C III IN U Vfl Tfll ll IK X ll

rat nhieu cong sufc ma chUa chac da an nham gi. V i
vay lan dau r a mat nhat t h i e t khong dupe an noi
qua quit cho xong chuyen. Vay the nao goi la tif gidi
thieu ve minh?
Viec dau t i e n la m i m cudi. Net mat tuoi cudi se
khien cho ngUdi tiep chuyen cam thay am ap chan
t i n h , dd la yeu to tao dung bau khdng k h i hoa hap
va than ai.
Sau nu cudi ra mat se la t i e t muc t i f gidi thieu
"Toi t e n la...". K h i gidi thieu phai l a m ndi bat
t r o n g diem, gia sd v i khong nghe rd ma ddi
phuong goi n h a m ten ban, t h i chac han se dua ban
vao t i n h the khd xd, gay ra khong k h i kho chiu,
k h i t u gidi thieu khong nhdng phai n d i nang mach
lac ro rang, tot nhat la k e m t h e m phan giai thich,
vi du t o i ho "Vuong" chd vUOng nay nam trong t d
"vUdng qudc", n h u vay se tao r a an tUcfng dam net
cho ddi phuong.
Mot diem khac khdng k e m phan quan trong la
khdng nhdng bat ddi phUdng phai chu y den ten ho
cua m i n h , ma ban con ho cua ddi phucfng. N h d ra
ban goi n h a m ten ngifdi ta, se lam cho ngifdi dd het
sdc that vong va nghi rang dd la mot cd chi that l i
khdng the nao cdu van duoc.

(4iif f NC: i

•>

15

dung tu" ngiir 11 nghia khach sao mot each t u nhien
t r d i chay.
Doi k h i ban khong nhat thie't phai van dung
each ton xifng. V i du k h i cap t r e n trong cong t y cho
goi ban, ban chi can cudi that ttfoi gat dau va noi
"Co viec gi khong a?" t h i da the hien difgrc long ton
t r o n g cua ban doi vdi sep r o i .

Giao lufu tinh cam va tif ti/ofng
Dac diem cua con ngifdi la thich giao luu, ket ban.
Chu Tac N h a n tdng noi: "NgUdi l a loai dong vat
song theo bay dan, so" nhat la sif cd don... t r d
nhdng ngifdi ngoi t h i e n khd luyen de hpc dao, con
nhdng ngifdi khac chang ai mudn song am t h a m
defn doc, ai cung thich giao lifu tiep xuc...". L a i co
ngUdi ndi "Thich cd doc neu khdng phai la da thu
t h i la t h a n linh".
Chung ta l a nhdng con ngifdi, moi thanh vien
trong xa h o i chung ta khdng the thieu giao lifU.
Neu coi xa h o i l a tn/dng xa giao gida ngu"di nay
vdi ngufdi k i a , n h a m muc dich l a m cho mdi t h a n h
vien deu ngay cang hoan thien, ddng gdp lofi ich
nhieu hern cua cong dong; cdn bieu h i e n cu the

16

«-

c iflo n i p m o m m i

H II V A I A I I7 N C

trong giao tiep t h i nham muc dich trUc tiep la cho
va nhan; Vay t h i ket qua cua giao tiep t h a n h cong
chinh la xay dung mdi dong cam vdi ngUdi khac.
Thdi dai ngay nay dupe coi la thdi dai t u duy
bien chdng, doi hoi ngay cang nhieu nha hung bien
cd t a i ddi dap. Qua vay, xa hoi dang di len, dang
phat t r i e n t h i sU giao luu gida ngUdi vdi ngUdi cung
ngay cang mat thiet, cho nen t i m ra sif dong cam ve
mat t i n h cam va t u tudng da t r d thanh mot phuong
tien tiep xuc khong the thieu cua loai ngUdi.
Moi mdi quan he deu phai qua budc khdi dau, ai
cung t d cho xa la roi mdi quen than, t h a m chi trd
nen t r i am, chi cot. Cung cd the gida bien ngUdi ai
dd chi gap gd hop tac mot lan r o i v i n h vien each
xa. Cho du mdi giao lUu gida ngUdi vdi ngUdi phat
t r i e n theo chieu hudng nao, t h i cung deu di qua
budc dau la lung bd ngd. N a m 1938 nha giao due
Trung Qudc Bao H a n h T r i den co n h i vien Vu Han
de t h a m hoi cac chau thieu n h i gap nan, v i mudn
ham ndng bau khong k h i trong budi giao tiep, tao
ra an tiipng sau s^c cho cac chau, ong md dau cau
chuyen bang each ra cho cac chau may cau dd doan
chd. Ong ndi rang "chd xuan" mang y nghia ngay
suan am ap vui ve\ hoa tuoi khoe sac, n h i n thay
tnua xuan coi nha n h i n thay niem hy vong cua dan

x li

•>

CIlftfHC: I

17

toe Trung Hoa, bay gid ta dem chia tach chur xuan
t h a n h ba phan se thanh ba chu" "tarn", "nhan",
" n h a t " ^ . Chung ta quan niem ba ngudi da la so
dong, nghia l a moi ngudi doan ket dong long t h i se
danh bai duoc de qudc Nhat xam lupc, cac chau
thay bac dien giai nhu vay co dung khong?". Cac
chau r a t dong t i n h , nhiet liet v6 tay t a n thudng.
De n i t ng&n khoang each ve t i n h cam gida m i n h
vdi moi ngUdi, thudng ap dung each an noi di ddm
hai hudc de ha thap Uu the t i n h than cua ban than,
xoa tan sufc ep tarn ly ddi vdi ngudi nghe khien cho
ho cam thay nhe nhang thoai mai, va gay bau
khong k h i vui ve. Nam 1956 co mot v i nguyen thu
quoc gia nude ngoai den gap gd vdi sinh vien Dai
hoc Thanh Hoa tren san van ddng ciia nha trudng.
Md dau bai dien van, ong da noi vdi sinh vien "Toi
de nghi cac ban hay cudi len, vi chung ta dang ddng
trUdc mot tUOng lai xan lan". Cac ban tre cudi vang,
bau khdng k h i t r d nen chan hoa dam am.
Giao tiep trong lan dau gap gd, t a m trang
thudng hay bi cang thang, thieu t u nhien, neu
(1. Trong chO Han chd xuan viet la ^

, tach ra ba phan thanh ra

B!iU DIEN
PHU BAN:

18

<-

CIfl0 111P 1410 H C (IIIHII V -fi IflI |] N d X ti

trong trUdng hop do ban ke mot cau chuyen hai
hudc, khien moi ngUdi vui cudi, trong khung canh
vui ve do ai cung san sang nghe, san sang noi. Hcfn
nOfa, k h i cudi t h i co bap dupe t h u gian, sufc ep tam
ly bi xua tan, nu cudi khien nhieu ngudi tuy mdi
gap nhau lan dau ma tudng nhu quen t h a n lau
ngay, sdn sang giao lUu hoa nhap ve t i n h cam va
t u tudng.

Xin chef xu ninh
Chd v i ban han ma t u t i , chd v i giau co ma
kenh kieu. Hay ddi xd vdi moi ngUdi xung quanh
vdi t h a i do nhat quan.
Trong giao tiep vdi ngudi khac, chd nen phan
biet ddi x d theo t u each, dia v i , nghe nghiep hoac
dieu k i e n song cua ddi tupng. NgUdi dupe coi la co
k i n h nghiem giao tiep cd mot dac diem ndi bat la,
cho du tiep chuyen ai deu to ra cung k i n h 11 phep
nhu nhau, bat ke ngoi tru"dc mat la mot cd nhan
vien hay sep trong cong ty, t h i t h a i dp dng x d cung
van n h u nhau, chi phan biet chut i t trong each xUng
rid t h a n mat, v i du vdi co gai t h i cudi " X i n chao",
vdi sep t h i "Chuc budi sang tot lanh" cong them net
mSt cung k i n h hpn.

( >i u u II M : I

•>

19

Cho du ai dd dam nhiem chdc vu gi, lam cong
viec g i t h i n o i cho ciing cung chi la sU phan cong xa
hoi, chang nen v i the ma ha m i n h hoac kieu cang
hdm hinh.
Nguyen tac dng x d co ban la doi xd binh dang.
Chi k h i hai ngudi coi nhau ngang hang vdi dong cd
than ai san sang giiip do lan nhau, t h i cupc giao lull
mdi cd the thu dupe t h a n h cong.
Tieu Luu co thdi quen hach dich, xet net ddi vdi
cac co nhan vien trong cong ty, vdi dong sU t h i coi
thudng, vdi cap tren t h i lai khum niim, khep nep. V i
the h i n h tUdng cua anh ta trong mdt cac co khdng
duoc tot dep. Dong sU cung coi anh ta chang ra gi,
con cap t r e n t h i cho rang con ngudi do chi biet a dua,
xiem n i n h . Neu sd dung each cu xd phan biet theo
dia v i cua mdi ngudi, t h i se bi ngUdi khac k h i n h re.
NgUdi vdi ngudi vdn binh d i n g ; nen t u trong
nhung x i n ddng kieu ngao, k i n h trong ngUdi khac
nhung chd nen k h u m num bp dd, giiip dd ngudi ta
nhung chd ke dn; nhan sU giiip dd cua ai do t h i chd
nen y lai diia dam, phe phan ngiidi ta phai bang thai
dp chan t i n h va tdn trong; tiep thu phe binh vdi thai
dp k h i e m tdn thanh khan ke ca k h i ngUdi ta phe
binh chua that chinh xac, t h i cung ddng co de bung.

20

4-

CI A 0 TI i t> T II 0 N < HI INII VflT fli iJ N C X lj

Dang tiec la trong thifc te xa hoi, con ton t a i
nhieu mdi quan he bat binh dang gitfa ngUdi vdi
ngUdi, do k h a nhieu nguyen nhan khach quan gay
ra. Khdng nen cd sif phan biet cao thap, sang hen
ve nhan each. Neu v i ly do nao do ma de xay r a sif
bat binh dang, t h i se anh hudng den thanh cong
cua giao tiep.
Giao tiep mudn that sU thanh cong phai xay
dung t r e n nen tang t u nguyen, mong mudn va h6
trp lan nhau, bu ddp cho nhau. Neu nhu mot trong
hai ngudi cho rang t r i n h do cua ngudi kia qua thap,
noi chuyen vdi ho chang bd ich gi cho m i n h t h i hien
nhien cuoc giao luu do khong thanh cong. Neu hai
ben deu dat ddi phuong vao v i the ngang hang,
chac chan se gat hai dupe i t nhieu thanh cong
trong giao tiep. Ban cung chd t u coi m i n h d tarn cd
thap hon, ky nhat la trong giao tiep l a i mang y
nghi tif t i , luc dd each n h i n nhan cua ban se mat
t i n h chan thifc, khong dam noi thang y nghi that
trong long minh, gay ra t i n h trang khien cUdng be
tdc trong giao tiep.
Trong ddi thudng, chung ta gap khong i t ngifdi
quen thoi khom lifng udn goi, xun xoe n i n h bef
nhdng ke co chdc cd quyen. rOiong the coi mdi quan

(J) II UN G,1

-5-21

he cua hp la giao tiep binh thudng, ma la mot sU
cha dap len nhan pham, ban re luong tarn de k i e m
chut l p i ldc t d ddi phuong.
Thuc t i n h , mot so cong t r i n h nghien cdu tarn l y
hoc da cho biet, ngudi kieu cang hpm h i n h thudng
xuat t h a n t d hoan canh hoi nhd bi ngUdi ta dc hiep,
nung nau trong long mdi nan ddi, am dc. Rat co the
anh ta khong dupe hudng t i n h cam dam am diu
ngpt cua gia dinh, nen thudng chpn each dng xd la
chdi bdi lang ma ngUdi khac de giai tda bde xuc
trong long minh. Dang sau anh mat gian duf lanh
lung dd lai thudng an chda mot t r a i t i m r d m mau
r a t dang thuong. Con nhdng ke quy luy xun xoe t u
danh mat pham gia va long t u ton cua m i n h l a i
chdng td hp la nhdng ngudi kem t u t i n va dang
mudn t i m k i e m sU can bang tarn ly. Neu ai dd du
thuc life, t u t i n vao ban t h a n m i n h t h i cho du giao
tiep vdi ai cung khong r o i vao t i n h hudng gutfng
gao khd xd. Cho du ddi phuong la ai cung deu dng
x d mot each binh dang, dd chinh la ngudi co k i n h
nghiem giao tiep.
Chi k h i ta danh cho ngudi khac mot t h a i dp cii
x d tu" nhien binh di, t h i m d i co di/pc sU ton trong
l i n nhau, xac lap du"pc t i n h ban chan chinh.

22

4-

CIfl0 f l i P T 410 IK III IN41 U TflI I] NC X l)
Noi that long

Noi chuyen chan t i n h cdi md t h i trong cau cu
khong can them that nhieu t h a n h phan tu sdc, neu
khdng se gay cho ngudi nghe cam giac buon chan,
khd chiu. Chang han k h i dung bda vdi ban t r a i , ban
cho rang mon sUdn bo bay trudc mat co huong vi
rat thdm ngon, nghi rang khen mot cau ngudi
khach se rat phan khdi! The la ban binh pham
"Nha hang nay co moi trUdng rat yen t i n h , tao nha,
t r e n ban an bay lo hoa hong that tuoi tan, con mon
sUdn bo nay cung rat thorn ngon..." chac han ngUdi
nghe se nghi bung ban dang khoe vdn t d ngd sao
rong ciia minh, the la hp chang con bung da dau de
y den chii y cua ban chi la ca ngpi de mdi khach
mon t h i t bo beo ngay. Ban chi can noi mot cau
ngan gpn "Mon sUdn bo nay qua la r a t tuyet" t h i
chac chan ddi phuong se t a n dong "Sau nay co dip
chiing ta l a i den day nda nhe!".
Cung tuong tu, nhieu dan ong chang Ua gi cac
co gai thich lam dom, son phan lde loet, gay cho
ngudi ta cam giac h i n h nhu hoa my pham qua re
hay sao, nen hp mdi phet len m&t mot ldp phan
day den the, mdi to len mdi mau son dd den the,
lai con ke vien xanh dd t i m vang nhieu ldp quanh
mat nda chd, den ndi hp tudng tUpfng ra rang, mat

CIIU 0 HG: I

«»

23

boi xanh do va deo long m i gia chang khac gi mat
cao, n h i n vao do khong chdng bi thUPng cung nen.
Thuc ra, nhu vay dau phai la diem trang, ai cung
thda nhan trang diem vua mdc se tang them site
cuon hut cua ngUcfi phu nu , nhung neu t r a t day bu,
-

che khuat hoan toan bp mat that, t h i se l a m mat cot
each cua ngUdi do, tao ra tac dung ngucfc l a i .
Tai an noi cung co cho tUdng dong vdi v i du
tren, ma dieu cot l o i trong do la cau cu ngdn gpn
khuc chiet, neu l a m dung qua nhieu t d ngd hoa my
se phan tac dung.
Cho du ban co t r i n h dp van hoc co y phd dien
t d ngd, t h i ngudi nghe van danh gia ban chang hieu
gi ve van va cam thay cau chuyen gida hai ngUdi cd
ve gia ddi, phu phiem, thieu chan t h a n h cdi md.
Trong viec ren luyen kha nang dng dap con co
mot yeu cau het sdc quan trong, dd la can luon
luon de y den bieu 16 t i n h cam t r e n sdc mat. V i k h i
giao lufu, ngon ngd khong the bieu dat het, nhieu
k h i net m a t con chuyen t a i dupe nhieu thong t i n
m a ngon ngd phai chiu bd tay. Ngon ngd net mat
hoac goi each khac Id bieu cam se tao cho ban sdc
cuon hut, k h i e n ngudi ta phai khen ban "an noi
m a n m a cd duyen".

24

<-

C110 T l U T 410 N G HI IN 41 V 41 T 411 ll N G X iJ

Neu n h i n nhan tir goc do sinh ly hoc, t h i nhufng
nhom ccf bap nao thudng ngay i t hoat dong se dan
dan bi thoai hoa, ngupc l a i nhom co bap nao hoat
dong nhieu t h i ngay cang dupe cung cap nhieu chat
bo, co bap se day dan, da de se bong bay hong hao,
giau t i n h dan hoi. Co nghia la trong giao tiep,
ngudi nao giau bieu cam t h i khuon mat cua ho se
tao ra cam giac tuoi tan rang rd trUdc mat ngUcfi
ddi thoai. Neu ban Udc mo t r d thanh mot nha hoat
ddng chinh t r i , t h i ban nen ren luyen de co mot
khuon mat giau bieu cam. Neu ban mudn m i n h la
ngUdi dan ba hap dan, t h i ban ddng bao gid quen
bieu cam trong giao tiep, bieu cam phai luon luon
phu hop vdi noi dung ngon ngd, sU thay ddi phai
dien ra h a i hoa t u nhien. Neu net mat thieu tu
nhien hoac cd y dien tro mot each song siipng t h i
chi cang boc lo nhdng khuyet tat cua ban ma thoi.
V i the, hang ngay phai chu y tap luyen each boc lo
cam xuc.
A i dd dang ke chuyen mot each het sdc chan
t i n h , nhung thai dp chan t i n h dd co dupfc bieu 16
tren net mat khdng, va cam xuc do cd duprc ngu"di
nghe cam nhan, cham chii va n d m bat t r p n ven
nhdng gi ma ngu"di dd mudn t r i n h bay hay khdng?
Cau t r a Idi la nhdng Idi noi kem theo bieu cam cd

(illfONC. 1

•>

25

sure t r u y l n cam hefn han so vdi nhdng Idi noi khong
co bieu cam. Kieu n o i nay rat de gay cho ngUdi
nghe cam giac do la nhufng Idi gia ddi.
K h i theo doi cac pha t r a n h luan hoac hung bien
cua cac ong nghi t r e n nghi trUdng, chung ta thudng
nghe ho nhac d i nhac l a i cau "Toi cam thay that
budn v i . . . " nhimg net mat cua ho l a i van gid nguyen
ve phdn pho chang goto mot net buon phien nao.
Ndi each khac cho du ho noi "Toi rat buon..." hay
ndi "Tdi r a t vui mdng..." t h i net mat ciia ho cung
chang khac gi nhau, chac han net mat do khien
ngUdi xem cd cam tudng ho that kheo nguy tao,
thieu trung thuc. X i n nhac l a i , k h i giao tiep ban
nen ren luyen thdi quen bieu cam.

Noi dung su* that
Du trong bat k y hoan canh giao tiep nao, chac
h a n chang co ai phan ddi each noi: "Rat co the toi
da n g h i sai, nhimg chung ta hay cung nhau xem xet
su" viec mot each thifc chat".
Tai mot ldp hoc giao t r i n h Carnegie, mot hoc
vien ten la H a r d Rumke, l a m dai ly tieu thu cua
hang 6 td Dodge t a i bang Montana da ap dung
dung theo giao t r i n h . Tuy nhien anh ta noi, hoi do

26

«-

(I fl 0 TllP T U
- 0 M C m IH 44 V 4 1411 ll ti G Hi)

toi nhimg viec k i n h doanh rat bap benh, nguyen
nhan la do k h i khieu k i e n cua khach hang, t o i da
to ra qua lanh liing cdng nhac, dan den xung dot,
lam cho viec buon ban sa sut ma trong long l a i luon
buon buc.
K h i nghe giang, anh ta tarn su: "Sau k h i hieu ra
rang lam nhu vay se khong hda hen dieu gi tot dep,
toi da thay doi t h a i do tiep xuc vdi khach hang. Toi
noi "Qua that chung t o i cung co nhieu sai sot, that
la khong nen va khong phai vdi khach hang, ngay
ddi vdi chiec xe cua qui khach, chung t o i cung xd ly
chua thoa dang, mong quy khach chi bao cho".
"Cach xd sU nhu vay da lam diu bdt con t h i n h
no cua khach hang, thong thudng k h i da het gian
dd t h i ngUdi ta hay noi Idi thau t i n h dat ly va sU
viec duoc giai quyet mot each em tham. Nhieu
khach hang thay t o i to t h a i do thong cam nhu vay
ho con x i n loi nda t h a m chi co ngUdi sau do con gidi
thieu ban cua ho den mua xe d cho t o i . Tren thuefng
trUdng canh tranh kho'c liet, chung tdi mong mdi co
nhieu khach hang n h u vay. Tdi t i n rang neu luon
luon biet ton t r o n g y k i e n cua khach hang, dng xd
vdi khach hang vda mem deo, l i n h hoat vda 11
phep, t h i se cd l p i cho minh".

(JllKjNC: I

•>

27

Neu manh dan thda nhan trUdc dong sU nhufng
sai sot cua minh, t h i ch&c chan se khong lam cho
ngUdi t a kho chiu. Do la mot each xuf sU kh6n kheo
va thong m i n h trong xa giao, khong nhufng t r a n h
ducfc k h a nang t r a n h chap ma con k h i e n ddi
phUcfng mem long trUdc t h a i do nhdn nhudng do
lupng cua ban, t h a m chi ngUdi ta con s i n sang
nhan mot phan Idi l a m ve m i n h .
M o t lan, Carnegie nhd mot nha chuyen gia
t h i e t ke ndi t h a t bd t r i mot bde r e m cda. K h i ngUdi
ta mang phieu thanh toan den, ong sdng ca ngUdi.
M a y horn sau, cd ngudi ban den tham, n h i n thay
chiec rem cda hoi ve gia tien, sau k h i biet gia ca
dng ta binh pham "That qua dang, toi thay ngUdi
ta da Ida cua ong mot khoan tien".
Ong ban da noi thuc long, nhung chang ai
mudn nghe cau noi thuc long mang ndi dung de biu
k h a nang phan doan cua m i n h ca. V i cho rang
m i n h la ngudi danh gia, Carnegie lien t i m each t u
bien bach cho m i n h , ong ndi cai gi dat gia cung deu
cd chd qui bau dac biet cua no chd, t i e n nao cua ay
m a , chang the nao bd r a i t t i e n md l a i mua dutfc
m o n hang cao cap mang t i n h nghe thuat nhu the
-

nay dau v.v...

28

4-

C1410 T l U TilOHC HI I II41 V 41 T 441 ll H (i X l}

Horn sau l a i co mot ngUcfi ban khac den tham
ong, ong nay khen r o i r i t bde rem cda do, co ve nhu
sot s i n g han mdc binh thudng. Ong thd lo, mong
mudn nha dng cung sam duoc mot bde r e m cda nhu
the. Luc nay phan dng cua Carnegie l a i hoan toan
t r a i nguac vdi horn trUdc. Ong ndi "Chang giau gi
ong, t d i thay no qua dat, ngoai kha nang chiu dung
cua toi, nhUng da Id mua roi, tdi an han vo cung".
Neu doi phuong xd sU mot each kheo leo te nhi
day t i n h t h a n ai, t h i k h i mac sai lam, chdc han ta
de dang thda nhan Idi lam vdi ngudi dd mot each
thang than cdi md pha lan mot chut t u hao. Nguac
lai neu ngUdi ta ep m i n h phai chap nhan mot sU
thuc cay dang, t h i ket qua se hoan toan t r a i ngugc.

Khen that long
Khen nggi khdng dan gian nhu mot cau ndi tuy
tien, ma phai tuan theo mot mo thdc nhat dinh.
TrUdc het nen xac dinh, khen hanh dong hoac
cong hien cua ai dd t h i hay han la khen nggi ban
t h a n anh ta, k h i ca nggi hanh dong hay cong hien,
t h i t h a i do cua ban phai het sdc chan thanh, han
nda neu ngUdi dd cung cam thay m i n h xdng dang
duac ca nggi t h i hieu qua se rat tot. Ngoai ra, ca

C I I IffH C, I

^

nggi hanh dong, khong ca nggi con ngifdi se t r a n h
dupe chu nghia vu l g i hoac thien kien.
Neu ban dugng dot den trUdc mat ai do va ndi
"Anh that t a i gioi" t h i phan dong ngUdi dugc khen
deu cam thay that song sugng, tham chi ho cho
rang ban dang cham biem, khich bac hp.
Ca nggi viec l a m cua ai do, se khien hp cd gang
sda chda cac sai sot, nghia la khen nggi dung mUc
co the l a m thay ddi mot con ngudi. V i du khen nggi
cong viec ngudi do l a m tot t h i anh ta se co gang
lam nhieu han the nda. Ca nggi hanh vi cua ngudi
do dep t h i anh ta se vUOn t d i hanh vi dep han.
Nhung neu ca nggi con ngudi anh ta t h i khong
chdng se tang t h e m t i n h kieu cang t u phu.
Mot k h i ai do dugc ca nggi ve mat hanh dong va
cong hien t h i chac han long t u ton cua hp se cang
sau dam va giiip hp t r a n h xa thoi t u cao t u dai.
Yeu t d quan trong t h d hai k h i ca ngpi la t h a i dp
phai chan t i n h , ca nggi khong chan thanh chinh la
xu n i n h , thdi xu n i n h l a m hai ddi tiigng va cung
l a m hai ban t h a n m i n h . Hay nhd rang bat ky ai
cung cd chd dang dugc ca nggi, ban hay thay v i bdi
long t i m vet bang viec t i m diem ndi t r p i ciia ngUdi
ta de khen nggi mot each thuc long. V i du, trUdc

"

30

4-

GlflOTlfPT4IOHCmiH4IVflIfllUNCX|]

mot phu nuf ban co the chon cau khen "Cai ao chi
mac that dep" va k h i noi phai to r a thuc long.
Chd ngoi chd dpi ngUdi ta thuc su lap dugc cong
trang hien hach hoac hoan t h a n h sU nghiep to ldn
mdi ca nggi. K h i ca nggi can the hien t i n h than
khang k h a i vo tu. V i du: M o n banh ran diem tarn
rat ngon t h i ban chd nen quen khen ba xa mot cau,
khong chdng sang horn sau ban dugc thudng thdc
mon diem tarn ngon han; T h u k y ghi chep Idi noi
cua sep rat nhanh chong va day dii, ngoai ca du
kien cua sep, t h i sep nhat dinh phai khen, chac
c h i n sau d...